becomingsam.com Becoming Samantha - My transformation into whom I've always been

becomingsam.com
Title: Becoming Samantha - My transformation into whom I've always been
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Becoming Samantha - My transformation into whom I've always been Becoming Samantha My transformation into whom I've always been Home Contact Me! 14 Jun 2016 June updates, part 2 categories: Daily I’ve been hitting the gym and track really hard and the results speak for themselves at this point. I’m going to compete in my first 5k race this weekend and I’m super excited about it. I managed a 3.25mile run last night without stopping or walking any part of it. Victory! I say that because just 3 months ago I wouldn’t have been able to run 1/4 mile without stopping. In a very short period of time I’ve gone from being totally out of shape to being ready to run a road race. I don’t expect to win, I know that’s not in the cards but I do expect to finish with a respectable time especially since this is my first time EVER running a road race. Personally, I’ve never been a runner before in my life and never thought I could or would be. I’m super excited and super driven to do this and if this race goes well then I expect to run in a half marathon in October and will have to train really hard for that race as well. The weight loss is dramatic and I feel so much better and so alive, its hard to not get hooked on that feeling of accomplishment and euphoria. I’ll post more tomorrow… part 3? For now heres another semi recent picture: Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) 0 comment 13 Jun 2016 June updates categories: Daily So its been a little while since I’ve posted and a few things have gone on that I really need to speak about. Most recently and most obviously is the Orlando shooting that occurred at the Pulse nightclub. The actions of this one individual have make me and many others in the LGBT community stand together a little tighter and say we aren’t scared of you and we will prevail. With that said I’m going to throw my 2 cents into this arena because, well this is my blog and you are here to read my ramblings. I’ve never understood how people can harbor so much hatred and anger that they could murder another person let alone walk into any public space and take the lives on innocent people. If you spent half as much time trying to make the world a more loving and understanding place as you do trying to tear others down and destroy lives then we as a society would be so much better off. Make love not war! #prayfororlando So now my updates. I’ve been out a few times and have become more and more comfortable with getting dressed and the application of makeup. I’ll be sure to share a few photos in this posting but you can always catch them on instagram. I’m still attending the monthly support meetings and they have gone really well. Honestly I really look forward to them and the time I get to spend with the people there. I’ve become more involved with them and have been working on the website and the email list to streamline operations and provide some additional functionality. Look at that, I’m totally fluent in geek! I’ve made quite a few new friends along the way and I’ve been quite fortunate to make some really great friends with great advice and skills. Its one thing to be good at it and its another to be able to offer great advise, yeah I’m listening and taking it all in and even more importantly I’ve been practicing it and using it. I also picked up the making faces book as suggested and have found a couple looks I really like and have tried to emulate 1 of them so far with some halfway decent success. Lets call this part 1 of my update… So this is from 6-11 Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) 0 comment 11 Apr 2016 Another night out and other updates categories: Daily It was meeting weekend which means I went to the support group meeting and then went out with my friend to a local club that hosts a weekly TG/CD/TS friendly event. It was so nice to just get out and have some social time and some fun. Having a few drinks didn’t hurt my mood either, LOL! This was the first time I’d gone out with my nails all done up and were they done up. I went with full acrylic nails all finished with Zoya – Dana polish and Essie gel setter. They were flawless and shined like a diamond. The worst part of the night was getting home and dressing down. I always hate that part because it just feels so amazing to look the way I want to look and look the way I feel all the time. The dysphoria is always terrible at night. Being alone in my own headspace and just having time to sit and think is truly the worst. So I find ways to keep myself busy so that I don’t think about it and make myself all depressed. I’ve also started going to the gym to help me sleep better but I also have other expectations. I expect to lose some more weight because I’m still 25lbs away from my goal even though I’m already down 30lbs. I have a 30 minute appointment with a personal trainer and I’m looking forward to this time. Should I mention my goals or just hint at it? I want specific results but don’t want to make my gym experience uncomfortable. Right now I’m doing 60 minutes on a treadmill, 30 of that is in straight up girl walk to build those muscles and then I spend up to another 30 minutes on the elliptical machine. I really want to lose the weight from my stomach area and widen my hips and butt just a little bit to help with the silhouette. So heres a pic from Saturday night Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) 0 comment 01 Apr 2016 Follow me on instagram categories: Daily I joined instagram a few days ago and I’m finding it to be quite fun. Give me a follow or a shout https://www.instagram.com/sammisnj/ Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) 0 comment 14 Mar 2016 So its been a month categories: Daily I just attended my second meeting and I have to say I really enjoyed it and the vocal coach was so awesome. I realized I need to work on my voice so that it matches my appearance. So what’s next with this? I don’t know but Ive looked at a couple sites and have looked at some YouTube videos. I don’t know what’s right for me… I have a few things I can work with and practice but I know in the end that might not be enough to really feminize my voice. I think the hardest part is the fact that our voices sound differently to us and I will probably need to record myself and play it back to hear what others hear. The meetings have been awesome and really been what I wanted and needed and of course going out after the meeting has been a lot of fun as well. I learned a really tough lesson this last meeting though… the right shoes. Let me explain. I had 2 pairs of heels with me and I went with the most fashionable pair and just a few hours into the evening my feet started to kill me. I stuck it out and wore them a few more hours before I changed out to the more comfortable heels but it was too late because the damage was done. To be completely honest, my feet are still hurting and its been 2 days later. Needless to say I’ve ordered 2 more pairs of shoes, black heels in a wide width and a pair of black flats. A little bit about going out after the meetings. I go with a good friend to a local club/bar that has a weekly night that’s run and supports girls like myself. This outing had lots of firsts for me. First, it was my first time wearing heels or a dress in public. Well if you count the sweater dress with leather leggings I wore out last month then no it wasn’t the first time in a dress in public but it was a first for heels for sure. It was also the first time I was hit on by a guy, and just a short time later it happened again by another guy. Its a nice ego snack but at the end of the day that’s not why I’m out because I’m not into guys and not into girls like myself. I’m into women and into 1 in particular, my wife and she’s the love of my life. It was also the first time I’ve had any seriously irrational fears. I say irrational because its one thing to get scared or be scared but I’ve read lots of articles about trans women recently. The horrible acts in those articles flooded my brain as I walked to and from the car and it made me super scared and nervous and I knew it was completely irrational because I was in a safe environment. Its so weird, I just realized how scummy or doggish guys can be because they would wait until I was alone or wait until they could peel me away from the security of the group before they would approach me. On the other hand it was nice to know that my friends have my back and were watching out for me even if it was from across the room. It was almost like watching wolves hunt. I say this because they like to round up the animals and they then peel the weakest or youngest off from the group then take it down. I’m no easy prey though, lol. I guess I’ll share a face pic from the last meeting. Yeah a selfie… don’t judge! Dress is from Alloy Apparel and they are my new favorite site but I also have it give it to Venus because their stuff is just so cute and beautiful. Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) 0 comment 09 Feb 2016 What to wear? categories: Daily I’m going to get out there and I thought I had it all figured out. I had planned on wearing the new maxi dress from Alloy but I didn’t feel that was the right fit for the evening so I wore it today and I love it because it fits perfectly and touches the floor as it should. I ordered a red sweater dress and it delivered today. I think that’s the winner, paired with leather leggings and knee-high riding boots or maybe some booties. I want to wear heels out but I get very self conscious about it because of my height and even more self conscious because I don’t want to get the wobble or fall in them and totally embarrass myself but I also want to just rock the look. As the week progresses I get more and more excited but nervous at the same time. Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) 0 comment 04 Feb 2016 Getting out… again categories: Daily So I’ve decided its time to get out and have some fun. Feb 13th I’m meeting with some new friends and will be attending a support group meeting local to me. Yeah I went to one in south Jersey and had a decent time but I’m not sure it was the right fit for me plus the time to get there an back was just too much to do on a regular basis. I’m nervous about it all but at the same time I have some good feelings about it. I mean I need to get out and just be me with people that understand what I’m going through and can help me walk this path. I’m not alone in this and shouldn’t have to be alone in it daily. I’ll be sure to post after the meeting how it all works out. Getting out has become a real priority to me. On another note, I finally found a maxi dress in the cut and style I wanted and the best part is they offered it in a length that might actually hit the floor when I wear it. Yeah, tall girl problems. Another update, I think I’m going to hold off on getting my ears pierced until I talk with some people to see how they deal with it daily. I know the fear and anxiety is all in my head about accidentally outing myself but this is something I really want to do and have for a very long time. I know I could do it myself and have the equipment to do it but I don’t trust myself with getting it right. Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) 0 comment 03 Dec 2015 Ear piercing categories: Daily Yeah its been a little while since I last checked in but here I am. So my wife finally agreed to let me pierce my ears and the whole thing came out of the left field. My heart raced and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’ve decided to wait until January to get it done. Its so odd because I’ve wanted this for so long and its finally going to happen but I still have my fears and this entire approval has made me really stop and think. After several days of soul searching and thinking about having my ears pierced I realized I’m not a confident person and have spent so much of my life hiding and lying to others and myself. This feels like such a huge deal and I’m sure most wont care or say anything and a few will. I’ve spent so much of my time and energy at just blending in and appearing straight laced and average so I wouldn’t out myself that the idea of getting my ears pierced feels like a bigger deal than it should be. Its so odd because I can get up in front of a group of people and speak and be confident and I can be a confident person in many aspects of my life but something as simple as getting my ears pierced has made me uncomfortable. I’ll be back soon with more updates and pictures hopefully. Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) 0 comment 09 Nov 2015 Checking in categories: Daily Its been a busy couple of weeks. There are a few updates to share. First I’ve switched to a feminine deodorant and its a nice gentle reminder of who I am no matter what I wear. I’ve realized who my female role model is and no surprise its my wife. I did tell her last night because she did bring up the fact that I seem to borrow her style or her choice of products. I can’t imagine have a more feminine or beautiful role model. I’ve switched out my pajamas with a female version and have slept so much better wearing the new jammies. Overall I’m so much happier but always have this need or want to go a step further. Sometimes this need overpowers my common sense. With the Christmas season upon us I was considering applying for a position within a women’s retail store just so I can get more time and feel more comfortable within the women’s retail environment as well as discounts on more clothes. LOL! Plus having a few more dollars in my pocket for gifting wouldn’t hurt. Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) 0 comment 23 Oct 2015 Hair removal categories: Daily Hair removal, this is a tough subject because its a constant battle and there are so many options out there. I’ve tried a couple so far and will discuss those here. I’ll mention long term results but that’s a relative term as it could mean a few weeks or months and is not a end all solution. Shaving, yeah everyone’s done this and its a daily routine and battle that can consume some serious time every morning. The right razors can make this simple and quick but there are no long term results. Threading, this method of hair removal is really simple but not typically something you can do yourself. Long term results are possible when done properly and this method can be painful because there is lots of pinching and pulling. Tweezing, this method is so slow as you manually pull each hair and can be extremely painful in various spots of the body. Long term results are possible as long as the hair is pulled completely and not broken. Epilation, not recommended for the face and other super sensitive spots on your body as this requires an epilator and the entire process can be painful because the epilator is a mechanical tweezing device. The epilator has a rotating head that has rows of tweezer like heads that open and close as they rotate. While quicker than manual tweezing its still extremely painful and if done correctly there can be some long term results. When starting on areas of the body that are thick with hair it may take a couple weeks of daily use to see long term results because the epilator can break hair when attempting to remove it. There is also a higher potential of ingrown hair especially if you are prone to them. Its also recommended to wash the area with an antibacterial soap when completed. When working an area with longer hair its recommended to trim those areas to reduce hair breakage during the epilation process. I’ve spoken with quite a few people about the at home laser systems and they all say they are junk or break before they have any noticeable results. Don’t spend hundreds on the at home systems and go see a professional and spend the money there. Waxing, I have yet to try this and from what I’ve read and what I’ve been told the results are much like that of using the epilator and the same before and after care is important. Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window) Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) 0 comment Posts navigation 1 2 3 4 Next Search for: Recent Posts June updates, part 2 June updates Another night out and other updates Follow me on instagram So its been a month Archives June 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 Categories Daily Menu Log in Entries RSS Comments RSS WordPress.org Tags blogging boot boots clothing coming to terms cosmetics daily daily outfit day 2 diving in dream dress emotions eyebrows feelings feel pretty flats friends fun hair heels instagram internet jeans makeup meeting nails nerves new dress out and about outfit of the day pictures pierced ears samantha saturday shoes shopping start therapy the start transgender transisbeautiful triple black upset wife InstagramInstagram has returned invalid data. 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